Wow. I'm kinda... uplifted right now. I mean, we got back in school today, Spring Break over, boo. I was completely dreading this day all week. Spring Break is just way too short. Anyways. The class I was dreading most was Humanities just because I'm sick of work. It got worse when our teacher announced she'd be calling everyone up to tell them if she was or was not going to reccomend them to honors. I wasn't incredibly worried, but I was a bit... anxious. When she called me up, she said at first "I don't think I can..." and I thought she was about to say "reccomend you for honors" Right about then my heart dropped. However, she continued, saying "...ask anything more out of a student. Your test scores are exemplary (or something), you are a deep thinker and provide insightful comments, and I have no doubt you will do just fine in honors English." That really just... made me feel great. Compliments always make people, in general, feel great, and this was no different.

So, the whole honors English thing finally... well over, I feel a lot less stressed. Well not a lot. But a bit, and that's enough for now ;)

Some more random surveys!

1. Full name: ¬¬ Who wants to know?
2. Nicknames: Michi, Shelly, eh... that's it. My 6th grade t-shirt called me Meesh...
3. Birthday: Jan. 14
4. Sign: Capricorn
5. Ethnic background: English, Scottish, German, Austrian, French, and Irish. Mostly German, though.
6. Eyes: Pretty blue. One of the few features I like about myself.
7. Hair: Natural blonde, kinda dirty blonde I guess
8. Height: 5' 4"
9. Sex: female
10. Siblings: none.
11. Righty or lefty?: Righty... but for some reason I like left better.
12. Slob or neat freak?: Well I'm definitely not a neat freak...
13. Instruments you play: Piano and clarinet... though I am going to learn bass guitar this summer, and most likely guitar.
14. Do you sing in the shower?: Nope. I did when I was 3, but then I found out my parents could actually hear me so... no.
15. Do you like to sing on the toilet?: *blink* Uh... no. I don't usually... spend that much... time on there... O.o
16. Cheese or pepperoni?: Extra cheese! Though pepperoni's good do. I just can't stand when there's a lot of sauce. I can barely stand any sauce, really *shudder*
17. Coke or Pepsi?: Pepsi!!!
18. Blanket or stuffed animal?: ...I can't have both? *pout* Well I do have one stuffed animal I sleep with, but only because... I can't figure out what to do with my arms if I'm not holding onto something... it's really insanely hard for me to get to sleep. I absolutely have to have music on when I'm going to sleep. And the music I can listen to when falling asleep is dwindling. This one SP song I always wake up to, it's crazy. I'm unable to go to sleep to SP, or one of my GC CDs. The first GC CD is probably the only CD I can currently fall asleep to. And... I realize... that I get off tangent easily. Anyways. On with the survey.
19. Hugs or kisses?: Well I like hugs... and I prefer them from my friends and people I hate (though I'd rather not hug those people at all...) but kisses... *shrug* I think I've said it before, I'm a hopeless romantic (and if I haven't, I have now ;)) so... I think that answers your question ;)
20. Chocolate or vanilla?: How can you even QUESTION the power of chocolate? o.o
21. Sunshine or rain?: rain definitely. I absolutely love the rain, and water in general. I'm a duck ;) No. Not literally. But yeah... I've had enough sunshine, I've lived in CA my whole life.
22. Skiing or boarding?: I've only done skiing before (which I love), but I am going to learn to board this December. Right now, though, skiing definitely.
23. Day or night?: I am definitely [b]not[/b] a morning person. So, night all the way.
24. Love or lust?: Hi, yeah, hopeless romantic here? Love, hands down. I don't want something that will leave me empty afterwards.
25. Silver or gold?: silver
26. Diamond or pearl?: diamond
27. Sunset or sunrise?: sunset... can't get up early enough for sunrise. Except, you know, every single schoolday when I have to x.x
28. Have you ever gone skinny dipping?: Uh. No.
29. Have you ever broken a bone?: Nope, I'm luck that way.
30. Do you have any piercing(s)?: 1 in each ear. Meh, I want more, but my mom's all "Sure you can have more!" *wide grin* "When you're 18!" *pout*
31. What's your favorite color?: black and blue
32. Favorite band: Simple Plan or Good Charlotte... I really can't decide.
33. Artists you like: Simple Plan, Good Charlotte, New Found Glory, Riddlin' Kids, Midtown, Evanescence, Something Corporate, Green Day, MxPx, Mest, H20, Sum 41, The Starting Line, Yellowcard, Tsunami Bomb, No Use For a Name, and... I suppose that's it.... for now. I'm continuously finding new bands I like.
34. If you were a crayon, what color would you be?: ...what kind of question is that? o.O I guess... white... because... few people ever actually have a use for it.
35. Do you like snow, sun or rain?: I love rain... and snow kicks ass too.
36. Do you like cookies?: Cookies? WHERE?! GIVE!
37. How are you today?: Better
38. Favorite drink?: Pepsi!
39. How do you eat an Oreo?: It's a complicated process. I take the cookie out of the bag. I open my mouth. I put the cookie in my mouth. I close my mouth. I chew. I swallow. I repeat.
40. How many people are on your buddy list?: Enough ;)
41. What makes you happy?: Music and my friends. Music has really become important to me lately, and... my friends are really the only people who can make me feel... cared about. Annie especially, I can always vent and complain to her, and she absorbs it like a sponge.
42. Favorite day of the year?: The last day of school ;) And the first day of school, actually. I really love school... the first week of it, that is.
43. What's the stupidest thing you have ever done?: I ditched swim team with my friend once. Sounds not too bad, but my mom and her dad found out and they called the police because we weren't at swim practice and they were freaking out and when I got home I felt so... awful for making my mom feel that way. She actually was fine when I got back, she talked to my friend's dad on the phone and then she kind of laughed about it. And when my dad came home, we joked about it. In fact, all I got was 3 days no computer (which is actually a huge sacrifice for me). Still, I hated that feeling, knowing how I made my mom feel.
44. Do you like funny movies or scary movies?: Funny, I get so easily freaked out by scary movies.
45. Favorite movies: That Thing You Do (I watched it when I was a kid and... loved it... though I actually don't remember it now. But I remember loving it!), Ten Things I Hate About You, Spider-man, and... damn I don't really have favorite movies.
46. On the phone or in person: Person, I hate calling people and I can get really grumpy on the phone.
47. Ever been drunk?: nope
48. Storms... cool or scary?: awesome
49. Glass... half empty or half full?: I broke the damn glass =)
50. What's under your bed?: People. No really. Because under my bed there's carpet, then dirt, then millions (billions, trillions?) of miles of layers of dirt, then someone else's carpet (or ground, whatever), and then someone else. =)
51. Pet peeves: People in general *shrug* People who go to my school, really. They just really piss me off. I don't know, actually. There are loads of things that annoy me.
52. Favorite kitchen appliance: Uh. Kitchen? I don't frequent in there. How about the refrigerator? The food comes out of their like magic, it's amazing ;)
53. Least favorite household chore: Doing dishes x.x eck. I need to eat more of my food so I don't have to put it down the garbage disposal. x.x the garbage disposal freaks me out for no reason whatsoever.
54. Favorite fast food place: In n' Out. McDonalds? pshaw! Burger King? Ha! In n Out owns ;)
55. Favorite candy: I can only chose one? *pout* Uh... ionno... I love them all. Airheads, I suppose...
56. Must see TV: Charmed! Only show I can absolutely not miss or tape. I mean, I could tape it, but... I don't want to, basically. I have to see it as soon as it airs ;)
57. Favorite book: Doomsday Book by Connie Willis. It rocks.
58. Do you like potato chips?: ...duh?
59. Favorite day of the week: Friday. I used to love Thursday, but then Charmed moved to Sunday, and I can't love Sunday, because that means the weekend is almost over. So, Friday.
60. Favorite food: Picky eater. No favorite.
61. Favorite season: I love winter. I love summer. I love spring. ...but fall really sucks.
62. Favorite board game: I don't do well with board games.
63. Favorite actor/actress: Actor - Oh god. Hard. Um... I suppose... damnit. Tobey MaGuire? Elijah Wood? David Boreanaz? Gregory Smith? Lots. Actress - Holly Marie Combs, definitely. She's way too underapreciated.
64. If you were an ice cream flavor, which kind would you be?: Watermelon! I LOVE watermelon ice cream, but I've only seen it once at this baskin robbins that is way out of the way and I haven't gone there in about... 8 years... but watermelon flavor rocks.
65. Finish this statement - "if I had lots of money, I would...": buy Good Charlotte or Simple Plan :) Actually, not really. I'd buy a car, (grrr SOOON I'LL BE ABLE TO DRIIIVE!) buy loads of CDs, buy lots of band shirts/MADE/Role model stuff... and... OH. Go to loads of concerts :)
66. If you could have any superpower, what would it be?: Freeze time. It just... rocks.
67. Hobbies: Music. Any kind, any way... I just love it.
68. Favorite video game: Eep. Mario Land?
69. Favorite word: pierred :)
70. Favorite curse word: Ooooh no, you're not going to trick me THAT easily... I'm watching you ¬¬

THREE THINGS THAT SCARE ME:
01 | Being alone (not like being alone at home, I can deal with that. I just mean... the idea that you're all alone in the world, or that I'm going to die all alone... etc.)
02 | The Ring (and scary movies in general)
03 | the garbage disposal o.o
THREE PEOPLE WHO MAKE ME LAUGH:
01 | Annie
02 | Benji and Joel (of Good Charlotte. When they're together... I crack up, even if they're not being remotely funny ;))
03 | my dad
THREE THINGS I LOVE:
01 | music
02 | art
03 | Derek (my bird)
THREE THINGS I HATE:
01 | people at my school
02 | George W. Bush
03 | rap/hip hop
THREE THINGS I DON'T UNDERSTAND:
01 | people at my school
02 | George W. Bush
03 | why people like rap/hip hop (oh don't tell me about how the beat is good... you can get beat in other music too, and it, unlike rap, is actually music! Wow, imagine that, music that's actually MUSIC!)
THREE THINGS ON MY DESK:
01 | Computer
02 | lots of pens and pencils
03 | shredded paper... I have a shredding problem... I shred whatever I can find that can be shredded when I'm bored, lonely, nervous, etc.
THREE THINGS I'M DOING RIGHT NOW:
01 | listening to music (Riddlin' Kids, though I keep switching the CDs)
02 | waiting for Everwood
03 | waiting for Annie to get online
THREE THINGS I WANT TO DO BEFORE I DIE:
01 | meet Good Charlotte and Simple Plan (no, I'm not a teeny x.x I just want to meet the people the make the music I love. Plus, they all seem like really cool people)
02 | get married and have children
03 | start a band... I really could care less if we "make it" or whatever, I just want to make music with my friends
THREE THINGS I CAN DO:
01 | sing
02 | sketch
03 | listen
THREE WAYS TO DESCRIBE MY PERSONALITY:
01 | random
02 | stubborn
03 | friendly
THREE THINGS I CAN'T DO:
01 | play bass guitar... YET! HAHA!
02 | write essays
03 | remember anything
THREE THINGS I SAY THE MOST:
01 | bob
02 | woo-fucking-hoo
03 | pierred
THREE OF YOUR ABSOLUTE FAVORITE FOODS:
01 | I have
02 | no
03 | favorites!
THREE THINGS YOU'D LIKE TO LEARN:
01 | to play bass guitar/guitar
02 | how to write a GOOD essay
03 | how to make friends... I'm really bad at it
THREE BEVERAGES YOU DRINK REGULARLY:
01 | Pepsi
02 | ...
03 | Water
THREE SHOWS YOU WATCHED WHEN YOU WERE A KID:
01 | Rugrats
02 | Full House
03 | Mr. Rogers
THREE THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT YOUR PERSONALITY:
1 | funny (...so they say...)
2 | friendly
3 | nice... usually.

I'm feeling a little better now, and I don't know why. All I know is I like it.

[b]current mood:[/b] excited... because all new Everwood in 1 1/2 hours! And... a bit happy too. It's a nice change.
[b]current music:[/b] "I Feel Fine" - Riddlin' Kids

x.x I am so pissed and depressed at the same time. I went to the Spectrum today. Usually, I'd be full of "yay" and happily musing over all my new things. While I did get plenty of things to muse over and yay about (2 new shirts [Evanescence and Something Corporate] and 4 new CDs [MxPx, The Riddlin' Kids, Face to Face, and H20]), I was just so... eck. I was left out the entire time at the spectrum.

See, Annie couldn't go because apparantely she had this "clarinet thing" she had to do. And the only person who went that I was really close friends with was Sarah, and she was having fun with everyone else. We saw Holes, and the entire time around me, everyone was talking and asking "Wait why.. oooooh I get it!" and such. I've read the book twice and actually understood it, unlike my friends, and I was seriously getting pissed. Then, after the movie, they insisted going to the chocolate place, even though I was completely full and didn't want anything to eat. Then we went to drop Lauren off, then finally I managed to get everyone over to Hot Topic. Of course, after 5 seconds, they were restless and wanted to go elsewhere.

After that, I wanted to go to FYE to get CDs, but everyone else wanted to go to the lovely prep store, Urban Outfitters. So they all went and said they'd meet me at FYE in about 15 min. Of course, 1 hour later, they were nowhere to be seen, so I went and found them at Urban Outfitters. They barely even noticed when I got there. The rest of the time I was completely bored and just followed everyone else around. It completely and totally sucked. Worst time at the Spectrum ever. x.x;;;

I hate this feeling. I mean, it's always awful being depressed. However, it's worse when you have no idea why you're depressed. At least when you know, then you can work through it or at least vent about it. But right now, I have absolutely no idea why I'm feeling like crap. And of course, Annie hasn't been on at all tonight, so I can't vent to her. x.x She's become... like a diary or journal for me, I suppose. I can rant and rave all I want to her, and she doesn't care. She absorbs it all, and helps me feel better.

I said I was going to wait until I felt happier to talk about what I was thinking about earlier, but I figure I can't feel much worse than this, so here it goes.

What's the meaning of life? Sounds so profound, but really, I'm not going all too deep. Riding in the car, staring at the clouds and listening to Sum 41, I began to think. Really, what is the purpose of life? I couldn't figure it out. I know I'm only 14, and I suppose there is no easy answer, but... it just all seemed so pointless. Now at this point, this might seem like I'm suicidal or depressed, which I'm not. Well, depressed, I am a bit, but I wasn't when I originally was thinking about this. Ok, just think about your life for a moment. Your daily routine, or just what you did today. Today, I woke up in a lumpy, uncomfortable bed in a cabin in Big Bear, got ready, packed, went to breakfast, came back home, watched MTV until after dinner, came online and read fanfiction, and then... well, here I am. All seems really pointless, doesn't it?

To find the point of living, I basically thought about a basic human's life. Go to school, make friends, work hard for good grades in school so you can get into a good college, try to go to a good college so you can get a good job, get a good job so you can support yourself, meet a guy (or a girl, depending on your gender and sexual orientation), get married, have kids, retire, and die. Now, I'm going to go a little off topic for a moment to rant slightly about something I've been thinking about since... probably the 6th grade. Life is preparation... but for what? Pre-school and kindergarten prepare you for elementary school, which prepares you for middle school, which prepares you for high school, which prepares you for college, which prepares you for a job, where you work until you retire and ultimately die. Your whole life is basically preparation for a meaningless life.

Off that tangent. Getting back to the basic life... What's the point? Looking at it, you work hard your entire life just to die. *shrug* Just seems really pointless to me. You know, I never got what people meant finding the meaning of life or trying to find out life's answer... but I think I'm understanding it more now. Anyways. End of odd ramblings. And to clarify again, I'm not suicidal... I'm just... I think too much.

Hm. I'm feeling better now. Jackie actually noticed I've been gone the past 3 days skiing, and I didn't even tell her. It just makes me feel good when someone notices when I'm not around. Makes me feel like they actually care.

Just got back from Big Beart - skiing. Lotsa fun. Have something I want to talk about that I was thinking about on the car ride to and from Big Bear, but it's pretty depressing and I'm already depressed right now and Anni'es not online for me to talk to and she's usually my... mediator? The person that basically can single-handedly make be feel better, and.... yeah. I just don't have the energy. I'll write about it later though. Right now, I'm filling out 2 surveys I found in Adri's blog because, while I am depressed, I am also bored.

Name : Michelle
Birthday : 1/14/89
Piercings : One in each ear. I want more, but my mom says when I'm 18 x.x
Tattoos : none
height : 5"4'
Hair color : dirty blonde, I guess. Completely natural blonde on top, but underneath the blonde it's really dark
Pets : 4 birds, 1 rabbit

t h e l a s t . . .
x. movie you rented : Rented? Oh! I rented Best in Show and Dick when I was at Big Bear. Both fucking hilarious, Best In Show particularly
x. movie you bought : The Ring for Jackie, but I had to return it because I lost the new t-shirt I had just gotten (I left the bag it was in somewhere) and I really wanted it so I returned the Ring so I could have enough money to buy another shirt. Yes, I'm stupid. Her brother got it for her anyways.
x. song you listened to : Uh... some on the radio I don't know. I'll go by last one on a CD I listened to, which would be... I guess "Still Waiting" by Sum 41
x. song you had stuck in your head: one of the ones on the Sum 41 CD. I listened to that on the way back from Big Bear and the songs randomly float in and out of my head
x. tv show you've watched : TRL. Good Charlotte performed 2 songs on it today =)
x. person you've called : Sarah
x. person that called you : Sarah
x. person that you kissed: I kissed my bird Derek earlier =) Person, none.
x. person you laughed with: parents watching Seinfeld + the two movies previously mentioned when in Big Bear
x. person you yelled at: Uh... probably my mom
x. person you tickled: my dad, when I was about 7 ;)
x. person you hugged: ...I haven't hugged anyone in a long time. Maybe... I have no idea.
x. you talked to: hmmm... my mom.
x. person you got icecream with: my mom, for lunch today
x. person you ate dinner with: myself
x. person you helped: Help? Don't understand meaning of word
x. person you were thinking of : Annie so I can rant to her and Joel (of Good Charlotte) because I have an obsession with him x.x Hey, at least I'm aware of the obsession, which is more than I can say of many teenies currently obsessed with him and other members of GC! x.x

d o . . .
x. you have a bf or gf : nope
x. you have a crush on someone : well, I have a lot of TV/band crushes... but no crushes on anyone I actually know...
x. you wish you could live somewhere else : eh. It'd be nice, but Irvine is a really safe town, great education, great weather, and... I'd miss my friends if I left. So, no.
x. you believe in online dating : no
x. others find you attractive : not that I know of
x. you want more piercings : definitely
x. you want more tattoos : I don't deal with pain well... so no
x. you drink : definitely not, and I never will. Past problems with family, alcoholism runs in family, end of story.
x. you do drugs : never
x. you like cleaning : I'm a slob
x. you write in cursive or print : print
x. you carry a donor card : nope

f o r o r a g a i n s t . . .
x. long distance relationships : i don't think I could personally do it
x. using someone : against
x. suicide : against.
x. killing people : depends on the people
x. teenage smoking : against
x. doing drugs : against
x. premarital sex : not in high school, but I believe that once you're in college, it's your own decision since you're an adult and you have to deal with the consequences. Though personally, I don't know if I'd do it in college. Depends on the people you meet and go out with, I suppose.
x. driving drunk : against.
x. gay/lesbian relationships : I'm not gay (as far as I know, though I am only 14 so... who knows), but I'm pro-people being in them. I mean, you can't help who you fall in love with. There's nothing wrong with gay/lesbian relationships IMO.

f a v o r i t e . . .
x. food : eh. dunno
x. song : eh... I have so many I love. I guess right now, the one song I listen to (or watch the video for) that just makes me feel good is "The Anthem" by Good Charlotte
x. thing to do : sleeeeep, read fanfiction, watch music videos/listen to music, shop (major CD shoppage, I'm in a huge music fix at the moment... I've gotten about 20+ new CDs in the past 2 months)
x. thing to talk about : *shrug* whatever is basically going on at the moment
x. sports : soccer, swimming, tennis
x. drinks : PEPSI :D:D:D

HAVE YOU EVER HAD A MAKEOVER?
nope, I don't wear makeup. I don't really see the reason to.

HAVE YOU EVER WITNESSED DEATH?
I haven't witnessed someone actually die, but in Italy I did see a dead guy in an alley. That was very freaky o.o

WHAT'S THE LONGEST TIME YOU'VE STAYED OUT OF THE COUNTRY/WHERE?
2 1/2 weeks. My parents love going on vacation every summer somewhere for about 2 1/2 weeks. Europe is where, but if you want specifics: England, Scotland, Portugal, Germany, Switzerland, Austria, Italy, France, and... I think that's it.

ONE THING YOU'RE GRATEFUL FOR, TODAY.
Friends. Really. Sarah called me and asked if I wanted to go to the Spectrum on Saturday with her and a few other people and that made my day, for some reason. I have no idea why, but I really just felt happy after she called.

WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE HIGH SCHOOL MEMORY?
Bah, I'm in middle school. My favorite middle school memory... eh. Lots. I really don't know. I guess during PE last year, when Jackie and Annie were having laughing contests in the MPR while other people were playing basketball (we were in teams and the PE teachers would call your team # up when you were up to play and everyone only played about once or twice, so we had a lot of free time) and anyways I'd say go and after 1 second of just looking at each other, they'd both crack up. We swore the MPR had laughing gas. For some reason, that stands out right now.

DESCRIBE YOUR DREAM WEDDING.
I'm a hopeless romantic, but I actually have never dreamt/thought of a wedding. And right now, I really have no idea. I haven't even had a first boyfriend yet, so I'm not really thinking about weddings right now ;)

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE DOING WHEN YOU ARE 60?
Happily married with kids, lots of animals... basically just enjoying what my life has resulted in. I don't really have a plan for my future or any goals I want to achieve, but whatever I do I want to be happy with it.

WHAT IS YOUR FIRST MEMORY?
Hmmm. I have several. One is when I was in Scotland (I was about.. 2 or 3) and the dog at the hotel we were staying at chewed up my mother's book completely. Oh, and also when I was 2 and sitting on the counter of my bathroom and my dad accidentally like... let go of me or something and I fell head first onto the ground.

DO YOU HAVE A FAVORITE QUOTE?
eh, there are a lot of quotes I like. So yes, I have one, and no, I'm not sharing it with you.

HOW MUCH MONEY DOES IT TAKE TO KEEP YOU FOR A YEAR?
A lot.

DO YOU HAVE ANY WEIRD PREFERENCES?
Yeah... I have loads of them. Just one, I suppose would be I have to have my bed in the corner, where the wall is on my right (if I'm lying on my back) and there's nothing to my right and pillows against the wall. *shrug* I have odd bed preferences... it takes me forever to get to sleep.

NAME ONE TV CHARACTER YOU'D MOST WANT TO BE.
either Willow on Buffy or Piper on Charmed.

WHAT'S YOUR WORST FLAW?
I'm lazy, a total procrastinator, and very negative at times

WHAT DO YOU PLAN TO DO THIS SUMMER?
absolutely nothing. Well, actually I do plan on learning to play bass guitar.

WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SONG RIGHT NOW?
Didn't they already ask this? Eh, "The Anthem" by Good Charlotte. Though right now I'm also loving... no. If I start listing them out, I'll never stop x.x Pretty much anything by GC, SP, Green Day, ....I'll stop now.

WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE DISNEY SONG?
I don't like Disney x.x

YOUR TYPICAL SLEEPWEAR:
Sweatpants and whatever T-shirt I wore that day, usually a band t-shirt.

HOW MUCH MONEY DO YOU HAVE IN YOUR WALLET RIGHT NOW?
$0!

WHAT ARE YOU MOST PROUD OF IN YOUR LIFE?
Um. No clue. I guess... I'm not really proud of myself at all.

TELL US ABOUT ANY OF YOUR BIRTHDAYS.
Oh that's a good one. A lot of my birthdays have turned out to be utter crap. I remember the birthday when I turned 11... I ended up running to my room at least 3 times, crying. Happy birthdays, I guess when I turned 13. That was loads of fun, joing bday with Adri and Annie, all our friends came, we went to Palace Park (now Boomers)... it was just... awesome.

WHAT DO YOU MOST ENJOY ABOUT LOOKING AT OTHER PEOPLE?
I like looking at people's eyes. You can tell a lot about a person from their eyes, and some people's eyes are just beautiful. That's the one thing I like about myself, my eyes. I got them from my dad mostly, who has really deep blue eyes that are almost violet.

So. End of my surveys. I'll talk about what I talked about talking about at the beginning of this pointless post. As soon as I stop feeling so depressed, which will be when Annie comes online. Which she better. x.x

Whee thank god. SPRING BREAK HAS FINALLY STARTED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :D Of course, my mom decided that break is actually a synonym for work! Luckly me x.x

Gah, I know I say this all the time, but I am soooo tired x.x I am looking forward to sleeping in all week long.

I'm trying to be more positive in my life. It helps when I get 36/36 on an Algebra test (only 3 100s in my period) and a 95 in Algebra. And when Simple Plan gets #1 on TRL for the first time. Ever.

Wheeee I'm so excited now. Look above for why ;) Plus, I'm getting a 93 in Humanities which is good since I was expecting way lower. I'm getting annoyed at Lulu right now, though. She's just so perfect at everything academic. I mean, it's not her fault and I can't expect her to be less than she is... but still. It annoys me sometimes. Guess I know now why people get pissed at me for getting As on all my French tests.

High school representatives are going to be coming to our school the week after Spring Break (which is next week). What with all this recent high school info being given to us, I pretty much know what my classes are going to be. Honors English and Global (if Ms. Poole reccomends me, which she should), whatever science course freshman take (I'll probably find out when the HS representatives come), honors algebra (I am now confident that based on my grade, I can get in. I did get an 84 first trimester, but second I raised it to an A and I currently still have an A. Plus, we had this quiz a month or two ago which I got 100% on and my algebra teacher was really pissed off at all the people who had single digit scores, of which there were many. She said she could make her honors geometry reccomendations based on those scores), French 2 (I know that I can for sure get into French 2, seeing as I have an A+ in French), wind ensemble, and marching band. I'm not sure if marching band auditions, but I highly doubt it. I hope not, though. :S

Today I resolved to work hard. Sounds stupid, yes. But I resolved to be organized, to actually do my work instead of being lazy or answering half-heartedly, etc. I'm not sure why I resolved to, but last time I resolved to do something like this it turned out well; my 84 in Algebra raised to a 96.

I was just thinking about that now, wondering why. I guess, I decided to in Algebra. I remember listening to Mr. Fong teach us about graphing absolute value and I taking notes and... I just decided then. Really, I suppose it was because I kept looking at the clock and thinking "I miss Joel, I want to see All Things Rock..." etc. But then... I don't know. I got into the lesson, even though it was really boring. I just... I like learning. It's cool knowing things. Like on a TV show, they had quadratic equations on the board on this class that I actually understood. From history, I remembered what the Treaty of Guadeloupe-Hidalgo was when they mentioned it on some sitcom. I get things, and I like it.

So, basically, I want to learn. I think the high schoolers coming to band might have sparked this, really, since I was thinking about high school all day and I still am. I'm betting it'll be the main thing on my mind the next few weeks. It was well-timed, since in Humanities we went over the Honors English requirements/expectations and since we'll be writing our honors justification thing tomorrow or Thursday. I want to do well, and I want to learn. Honors will teach me more than regular English. *shrug* I don't nkow.

Maybe they's why I was feeling... excited... or whatever. Bah, I'm too tired to think anymore.

Au revoir toute le monde. ...I think that's wrong. Au revoir toutes le mondes? Something like that. Whatever. Lack of sleep kicking in x.x

Heh. I'm reading the webcomic "When I Grow Up" which is actually a dead comic, it's from the guy who creates the current [b]WIGU comic. Which I highly reccomend, btw, along with Sluggy Freelance. These strips sparked a semi-rant thingy in me:






Don't you just hate it when you've been in a car for several hours and you really have to pee but all the stores around you require buying things before using the facilities? I don't remember this happening a lot when I was younger, but I recently went to Big Bear with Annie and my family and on the way down from the mountain Annie had to pee but no matter where we stopped they required purchasing something first. Finally she bought gum with 2 quarters she found in her pocket and was able to use the bathroom.

Ok, does that really make any sense? 50 cents to use a bathroom? Was the store really so poor they needed that 50 cents before she could use it? They get to use it for free, why can't customers? Aren't the customers supposed to be always right? Well if they're always right, than why can't they use the bathroom when they want to?

Sorry for the numerous questions. It just doesn't make sense to me, though. Everyone has to go pee sometimes, and after a certain point you really can't hold it in. I mean, I suppose you could, but that can cause bladder damage. Are the stores really so greedy that it doesn't matter if they're causing you bladder damage, they just want that 50 cents? Seriously, this is rididculous to me. Like I said, everyone has to go pee. It's not anyone's fault, and you really can't control it unless you don't drink anything. However, we were in the mountains, skiing, which causes dehydration. She threw up the night before from dehydration, really didn't want to risk it again, so she drank a lot of water. Obviously, Annie's going to need to pee at some point.

Ok, this has been a very random rant, and I've been going from point to point rapidly. I don't get it. I mean, she could pee in the bushes if it was that bad, but no one really wants to see that (except the extreme perverts of the world, I suppose).

Requiring people to purchase before using the bathroom is idiotic. People can't control their bladders anymore than they can control anything else in their life. Let people pee if they need to.

My bed looks so inviting right now. I just want to crawl over and collapse. Except it's only 9:10, and I'm not going to sleep at 9:10.

For some reason I feel excited. Like something new is going to happen or something. Spring break? Maybe, but I doubt it. Ionno, could be that I cleaned out my backpack today and my Humanities binder. Organization makes me happy, especially since I'm a really messy, disorganized person. Maybe it's high school coming up. What with registration and everyone talking about, it's constantly on my mind. I'm dreading it, nervous about it, and all... but I'm also excited. I mean, I'll have loads more work (which is barely fathomable), midterms & finals, and a whole bunch of other crap... but hey. It's high school. It also equals new friends, relationships (possibly, though for me, I doubt it), new classes, new place, change of environmnt, new teachers, Marching Band (I'm getting really excited about it now), going to the same school as Jamie, finally (haven't been in the same school since 3rd grade, I only see her during swimteam which I'm not doing this summer), driving (well, I have a little while longer on that, 1 1/2 years approximately, between the time i get my permit and my license), more responsibility (it can be a good thing, not just a bad thing), and... well basically just a lot of cool crap.

I don't know, I thought about high school when I was a kid. I thought it was so cool, so...old? So long away. And now it's right around the corner. I always wanted to grow up when I was younger. I constantly wanted to be older than I was. My friend Amy told me that being older wasn't that great, and she would know since her sister was 4 years older than us and she witnessed what her sister went through. I stupidly didn't listen to her, though, since she was a really annoying person and I thought I knew everything.

Guess what? She was right.

I'm so tired x.x Emotionally, physically, whatever. I'm also starting to worry about high school a lot. We're getting close to high school registration (in two weeks, the tuesday after spring break which is next week, people from the high schools will come over to talk about the transition) and I'm worry a lot. At least the thing I was most worried about is resolved. In general PE at UNI you have to run the mile twice a week in under 12 min. I can run it in under 12 min if I try, but it's hard, and I am an awful runner. I can do sprints easily, but I cannot do long distance.

So, I was worried about that. The only way to get out of general PE was to try out for a sport, and with that there's always the risk of them cutting you. However some people from UNI came to first period band and they were talking about how great band and marching band was and then they told us that first of all, you only need 2 years total PE credits to graduate/get into college/whatever. Marching band is first semester and, thankfully, it counts as PE credits. So, problem solved, I'll just join marching band next year.

However, now I'm worrying about honors classes. We got these sheets today in Humanities about the expectations for honors English. I think I could probably get reccomended and get in (the main thing they look at for honors is 90 percentile+ in English on the STAR9, and since the 3rd grade, when we started it, I have gotten 97+ on all the sections in the STAR9. Last year I got all 99s total, best you can do. I'm good at standardized tests.

The thing is, I don't know if I can do it. We're supposed to write a letter to our Humanities teacher and tell her why we think we should be in honors. The thing is, I don't know if I want to be in it. I mean I do so it looks better for college, but I don't want the extra workload. I don't know. I figure I'll get Ms. Poole to reccomend me and I can always change my mind when it comes down to it.

Still, I'm worrying. x.x I really don't want to go to high school, it's so... big, scary, unfamiliar, and hard. Lots of tough work.

Hello high school, goodbye life.

Meh. Annie IMed what I posted here to Adri cuz I was too... nervous? Shy? Something. Adri said basically "Oh don't worry about me. My journal makes my life seem like crap, right? Don't worry about how I am, I'm fine." I told Annie to tell her we didn't want any of our friends feeling like crap, but Annie said that she seemed fine.

I'm still worried.

I don't know, I guess I should stop worrying. But I can't help it. She just doesn't seem very happy, and I want her to be happy. *shrug* Whatever, not anything I can do about it now, apparantely.

In other news, GC performed on Saturday Night Live and I watched it. They did an awesome performance, Joel was wearing the MADE hoodie I have which amused Annie for some reason. Funniest line of the night, IMO, was in the opening sketch of George W. Bush talking about the war: "I would tell you more, but due to national security measures [or something like that], they won't tell me anything else." I was cracking up. I also loved the Saddam sketch they had. "Oh the airport? Oh things there are going just fiiiiine in the airport that is still completely and totally named after you!" and "You know, it'd be a good idea for the citizens of Iraq if you took a walk instead of one of your lookalikes!... yeah, you could take a walk down by the airport... the southern side... maybe dance around and wave your arms and shout 'I'm Saddam!' a bit..." And, reiterating what I said before, GC rocked.

Wheeee Simple Plan #2 on TRL ;) Aaaand Benji and Joel back for All Things Rock. They have been for a week, but I got out of the habit of taping it, so I didn't notice. They crack me up for no reason whatsoever. I'm sure non-fans are like "OMFG they suck! Why do other people think they're funny?" And honestly, they're not that funny but... they still crack me up.

So... my day. Boring. The end.

I can't wait for Spring Break next week x.x

I'm really worried about Adri. I keep checking up on her blog, and she seems so... depressed. She's never that depressed in school, always happy, but... I'm still so worried about her.

I talked to Annie about it last night. She's just as worried as I am. We have no idea what to do, because it's kinda hard for us to go up to her and say "Hey, you don't seem depressed but we know you are!"

We actually went to the counselor at our school after 0 period, right before school started. The counselor was no help. All she said was that Adri should come up and talk to her. That would be good, but there's two flaws: we have no idea how to talk to her about it, and I don't really think Adri would be likely to go to the counselor.

I was thinking just now of ways to approach her about it. The best I've come up with is "Hey, Annie and I have been reading your blog and you seem really depressed. We're really worried about you, and we don't mean to be too overbearing or worrisome, but well... we are worried. We just want to know if you're going to be ok or if there's anything we can do, and to let you know that we care." That's actually not that bad, but I want to talk to Annie about it first. I still can't approach Adri. Of course, Annie's at Tiffany's party and I can't talk to her until Saturday. And Saturday, everyone will be at the spectrum, and I don't want to talk about it in front of them.

Being a teenager sucks.

Especially for Adri.

Everyone's at Tiffany's birthday sleepover thing now--Tiffany of course, Jackie, Annie, Lulu, Tina, I think even Amber... and of course other people too.

Everyone but me, that is.

Sure, I was invited to the Spectrum tomorrow for the rest of the party, but it wasn't even by her. It was mostly by Jackie.

I guess I understand. I don't really know Tiffany as well as everyone else. She's not in any of my classes and I don't talk to her normally if Jackie, Annie, etc. aren't there. But still, I thought we had become better friends. And just because I understand doesn't mean I have to like it.

I have to think, if I had a b-day sleepover, would I invite her? Well, it'd be a joint party with Annie and Adri (our birthdays are one day after another) so she'd end up being invited probably. But if it was my choice? I don't know, it could be awkward. When it comes down to it... yeah, I probably would invite her.

And it's not even the fact that I love sleepovers and I think I'm missing out on stuff, because I don't. Love sleepovers, that is. Although I'm sure I am missing out on a lot of fun. The truth is, if she had asked me to the sleepover, I probably wouldn't even have come. I hate sleepovers, and I really don't feel like it.

It's just the point of asking. I thought we were good enough friends for her to ask me.

Plus, everyone' parading it around me. I'm sure they all know I wasn't invited (well of course by now they do) and they've been trying to hide it from me. Well, it was pretty fucking obvious. I don't know what gave it away. Maybe Lulu last night having in her profile "Oh Tiffany's party tomorrow! Gotta get out my sleeping bag!" or Tina trying to get help figuring out how to let her dad go or even, oh I don't know, THEM WHISPERING ABOUT IT RIGHT IN FRONT OF MY FACE. That's what pisses me off. They could at least be open about it and not whisper about it in front of my face. That's what made me the most pissed.

So now I'm stuck here while they're all off there. I'm left out once again. I'm more familiar with this feeling than I'd like to be. I hate this and I hate them.