I think I'm getting too obsessed with this fanfiction.

I don't even know why I'm so attached to it. I mean, some things, I really can understand why I get attached to them. Like my favorite movie ever is "Fly Away Home". I cry everytime I watch it. And the reason it's my favorite is because A) the main character reminds me so much of my best friend (looks a lot like her and the main character lived in New Zealand in the beginning, my best friend moved there several years ago) and B) it's about birds, I love birds. I have 4, how could I not love them?

But with this, there's nothing like that. It's a pretty good fic, but... there's nothing really tying me too it. I don't know, it's weird.

Last night at 1 in the morning, I was awake. I was lying in the bed, and scenes for the fanfic were running through my mind. That's not weird for fics I write, despite how awful I may be writing them, or even if I'm not attached to them. That's just what I do at night. However, it is not normal for me to get up, clumsily take out several pieces of paper, a large book to write on, and a pen, and sit in my bed until 2 in the morning writing pages and pages of it down. Although it's a good idea (since I tend to forget the exact words the next morning), it's still a little obsessive. I was done with about... 6 pages by 2 in the morning, but I didn't fall asleep until about 3.

I don't know why I care so much, I really don't, but it's driving me crazy.

I'm feeling better now. I changed from the Smile Empty Soul CD to KROQ (Loveline.. what? I like laughing at the people XD) so that might be it. The fanfic still makes me incredibly sad, though. I still don't get why, it's really not that great of the fic.

Whatever, I'm weird like that.

Spectrum on Saturday :) I can't wait til that, I should have more fun than last week. Not that I wasn't having fun last week, it's just... well I wasn't because I was having major cramps and it really hurt and that kind of dampered the day for me. Still, this should be good =) Besides, I'm really bored at home.

*returns to fic*

I'm finishing (meaning writing) the end of the GC fic I was crying about earlier. I'm also editing some of the chapters since, like I said, it's really not the best fic ever written. However, it's good, and for some reason I care about it, so here I am.

I don't even know why I'm doing it. I have so many of my own fics I could be finishing. However... this helps. I don't know how, but it does. It at least keeps me preoccupied, keeps me from crying any more.

I was thinking, earlier, "Well if you're so sad, why not put on [the first] Good Charlotte CD?" That's my comfort CD: I listen to it, and I feel just so much better. Yet I realized I didn't really want to be cheered up. For some reason, I didn't want out of this weird mood swing. I don't know what it is. It's not PMS, unless there's such thing as Post-MS. Which, for all I know, there could be. But I doubt it. And I honestly don't think it has anything to do with my hormones or bodily functions or whatever.

Whatever. I'm going back to touching up this fic.

Small little note... Blogger is finally letting me update my template, so I'm archiving but I'm having a few difficulties so... yeah. Don't be surprised if you try it and it doesn't work. I'm working on it. Archives are a bitch x.x

Well, at the moment, I have the exact opposite problem as I did when I posted last.

I'm caring too much. I don't know why, but one minute I'm reading fanfiction, the next I feel tears building up in my eyes.

I was reading Good Charlotte fanfiction. Yeah, it's lame, but a) some are funny, b) I'm insanely bored, and c) I'm a hopeless romantic and despite how sappy and ridiculous some of these are, I love them just because they have both of those qualities.

So anyways. Like I was saying, I was reading a GC fanfic. It was pretty good, but it certaintly wasn't the best I'd ever read. Yet, I found myself really caring. I don't know, maybe the author just had some sort of way of bringing the character to life, making me really care about her. Because, I did. I really and truly felt for the character, and I found myself getting excited about things happening to her and sad in other cases. It's unfinished, and I reviewed telling the author to get the next part up soon because it was a great fic.

The thing is, it's not that great of a fic. It's pretty good, but I've read better. Still... for some reason, I really care. God this is getting repetitive. But seriously... it's just on my mind. It's like... plaguing (sp?) me right now, and I don' tknow why.

I don't know, maybe I'm all like this because I'm listening to Smile Empty Soul. They're a really awesome band, but their music depresses me.

I don't know. But whatever the reason is... I'm crying. And... I really don't like it. I'm not even depressed, I'm just... crying. For no. Fucking. Reason. Or, if there are reasons, I'm crying because of an Okay fanfic and some slightly depressive music.

I really have no idea why I wrote this all. It's just a bunch of senseless, repetitive, random feelings and thoughts.

I hate feeling like this. Especially when I don't know why.

I seriously think there's something wrong with me. I feel so apathetic recently. I mean, I was watching the news with my parents a few nights ago, and they showed this clip of a guy beating his 18 month year old child. The newspeople are all "This might be offending to some blah blah blah." When I watched it yeah, I was all "That man is awful." but other than thinking that... I felt nothing. I was just "Yeah, it sucks, but it happens all the time everywhere... and not just that, there's so many other things wrong with the world." Yet, even knowing that.. I really didn't care. I'm afraid I'm becoming too... cynical? Too apathetic. I just really don't care anymore. Barely managed an A in Humanities. However, I just felt "Screw this, I don't care. So what if I get a B+/A- in Humanities? I DON'T CARE." I realize I've been thinking/feeling that a lot lately, that I just don't care. x.x The only times I've really actually... cared?... are when I'm with my friends. At least then I feel some emotion; I feel happy mostly. But the rest of the time I just can't manage enough emotion to care. I hate it, I don't get why I'm feeling like this, and... it sucks.

Wow, haven't updated in a week. That's actually a good thing, because that means nothing has really happened. That happens to be an incredibly accurate sum of this week of school: absolutely nothing's happened.

Knott's tomorrow! That should be completely awesome =D And promotion on Friday! Thank god, I thought this year would never end x.x Then the promotion dance. That should be awesome too, despite the crappy music and a lot of crappy people, since all my friends are going.

Oh wait, I lied. Annie's not. =( But hey, it's her decision, and I respect that. I just want to be able to spend as much time as possible with her while I can, because while I'm still going to see her next year, it'll be a lot less frequent. So yeah, if you don't want to Annie, then don't, but... we'll all really miss you there =) And no, I'm not trying to guilt you into going... that's just a fact.

You know, I'm reading Jonny the Homocidal Maniac, and a quote made a lot of sense to me. "How is it you're so beautiful and so fucking ugly inside?" I think that applies to a lot of people.

Bleh, I think I have insomnia. I really just can't get to sleep at all. Finally, at 2 AM-ish I put on my comfort CD ("Good Charlotte" - Good Charlotte. It makes me feel better everytime I listen to it) and feel asleep. However, I was so fucking tired this morning.

And while trying to get to sleep, I cried, because I am so sick of this. I am sick of everyone feeling like crap. (And I don't mean that in a way like "Oh shut up, life could be worse" or a "buck up little campers" way [tm TWOP]) Nobody I know deserves to feel like crap. None of my friends that I know that are incredibly stressed and depressed right now deserve these feelings. Sure, none of us our angels, but we are good people, and damnit nobody deserves to feel this awful. You know, if there's such a thing as God, why does he let people feel like this? What possibly could my friends and I learn from feeling this crappy for no reason? I hate it.

I've come to a conclusion about Annie going to Woodbridge: I'm not going to miss her (no, don't be sad at this, I don't mean it how it sounds... I have an explanation). I'm not going to miss her, because I'm not going to let myself have a chance to. I'm going to spend as much time with her as I can so I won't need to miss her because I'll see her so often anyways and talk to her so often. It'll be like she didn't go to Woodbridge, except I'll see her more outside of school and won't see her at all inside school. At least that way I think I'll be able to survive UNI without her. x.x

"Ok Annie, I'm incredibly bad at saying stuff liek that but *hugs* You don't need to worry about me and I'm not going to leave and I'm not nearly as depressed as you are and you said in your blog that you want all your friends to feel good and that's what i want for you right now and again, i'm bad at this but nobody's life is made worse by you. My life greatly improved in 7th grade, and part of that was because of you. Ok. I'm done."

I was going to send that to Annie through IM but she signed off before I could. And I'm really not trying to give pity, I'm just worried about how you feel and I know how awful it feels to feel how you're feeling because that's essentially how I felt throughout all of 6th grade and I just want you to feel better because you deserve it and I hope you read this now that you know my blog link.


Ok. I don't want to talk about this anymore because I think I've stressed this subject enough and gotten out how I feel. Now on to something else.

I took a shower at 6 PM because I was bored and... I needed to. When I turned on the water I noticed a spider in the tub. Without think about it, I grabbed a tissue, picked it up, droppd it in the toilet, and flushed.

This occurance happens probably millions of times a day, but no one gives a thought to it. Why should they? It's just a spider, right? Who cares about a little spider?

Well, I was thinking while taking the shower, that I was like America: big, strong, and powerful (in terms of me to spider). The spider was like one of the smaller countries that is completely ruined by America. It just puts everything into a different perspective. Easier to understand why other countries hate America so much, I suppose.

I think I'm sick, I really do. I've been so exhausted lately. This morning I felt incredibly light-headed and felt that if I stood up any longer for the Pledge of Allegiance, I would faint. I seriously think school is harmful to my physical health. I can't wait til it's over.

This world, this world it is cold... but you don't, you don't have to go. You're feeling sad you're feeling lonely and no one seems to care. Your mother's gone and your father hits you, this pain you cannot bare. But we all bleed the same way as you do... and we all have the same things to go through... Hold on, if you feel like letting go... hold on, it gets better than you know.

You know what I really hate? Well I really hate a lot of things. However, this is a specific rant.

I really hate the word gay as an insult. I'm first to admit that I use it, but I've been trying my best to use it less than I used to.

For one thing, it's completely inaccurate. Gay means happy or lively. To say "Oh, you're so gay" is like saying "Oh you're so happy". My response to that would either be "Thanks" or "You're completely wrong, I'm miserable". Yet, it's used as an insult. I don't exactly get how calling someone happy and lively is an insult, but *shrug*

It's also now a slang word for homosexuals. This is the part I hate the most. It's like saying "You're so homosexual" in a negative way. That's completely encouraging prejudice and discrimination in the world. I hate that people still use homosexual as an insult when there's nothing wrong with it. Being homosexual isn't something wrong, it's just how you feel. You wouldn't criticize someone for falling in love with someone of the opposite sex because you know they can't help it. Why criticize and insult someone who falls in love with the same sex? They can't control it. If anyone could control love, there'd be no heartbreak. You'd choose someone to fall in love with and, since you love them, they'd choose to fall in love with you. However, look at how much heartbreak and divorce the nation suffers. In, I believe, 1996, 56-59% of heterosexual marriages in the US ended in divorce. I can't imagine that it'd be any less now.

Why is divorce rate so high? Because people realize they don't really love the other person, it doesn't work out, personalities clash, whatever. What it comes down to, however, is that if you had a choice, I'm sure you would choose to love the other person with every fiber of your being. However, you can't, because love is not a choice. It's never a choice. So why criticize homosexuals for falling in lvoe with the same sex? It's not their choice. I'd bet that a large amount of homosexuals would chose to be heterosexual to avoid harrassment and a less likely chance of finding "the one" (which I really don't believe in, but finding "a one" person who you love). Many do, in fact, choose to hide their feelings because of the cruelty and harshness of the world today.

So, back on subject, homosexuality should not be used as an insult for the aforementioned reasons. There is nothing wrong with being conscious of who you love. I bet there'd be a lot more open homosexuals if people would stop believing homosexualtiy is wrong and using it as an insult. I wouldn't be surprised if a large part of America was at least bisexual but thought "those sorts of feelings" were wrong so said "Oh, it's nothing, I'm not attracted to [insert same gender here], I'm just a teenager/hormonal person/old/whateverthefuckexcuseyouwant". God I hate America. Fuck the assholes in America who believe being true to yourself is wrong. I bet most of the people who use homosexuality as an insult are just afraid that they are homosexual.

Fuck everyone.

I know I only posted like 5 minutes ago, but god... Annie, I hope you're reading this.

"she's always so busy and she cries a lot and she's tired and she's sick and I really want her to get some r&r and slow down and not do so much crap but she won't because she's under the illusion that school, grades, and college is everything. I'm really worried about her and I want her to feel better :-\"

Ok, Annie wrote that about her sister. Well that's basically how I feel about her right now. She's tired, reading her blog I found out she cried in algebra and has been crying a lot recently and she hasn't been feeling well recently and I really just am worried about her and I want her to feel better but I have no idea how. And you're not pissing anyone off, Annie. Well at least not me, and I seriously doubt you piss anyone else off. Everyone likes you. And I admire how well you're able to keep all your feelings inside even though it's damaging and crap according to Health.

I second what you said. I hate everyone right now (gah, generalizing... most of my friends aren't pissing me off) and I hate everyone at school because they have no grip on reality and I just want it to end. Not my life, I'm not suicidal. I just want school to be over, I want summer to be here, and I want to sleep. A lot.

Another Annie-quote (yeah, sorry I'm talking so much about you, Annie, but god I hate that you're feeling so crappy and I hate myself for not seeing it before and I hate everything and that's a lie because there are still some things that bring me happiness but god I just want you to feel better) "I piss people off and I can't see that I'm not wanted and I just want to go hide forever but I can't and wishing for shit I can't have makes me feel crappier and crap crap crap I can't do anything right and all I do is bother people and I can't stop myself from being annoying and I don't know why;"

YOU DON'T PISS ANYONE OFF, ANNIE! And I'm not saying that angrily, I'm saying that you're completely wanted. I don't think I would have survived middle school as well without you, and I'm not sure how I'm going to survive high school without you. That's one of the main reasons why I want you to go to the same high school so much, because (I'm being so completely selfish here, but I don't give a shit because this is the one place I'm semi-comfortable saying my true feelings) I have no idea how I'm going to get through high school without a friend as awesome as you.

God, I really hate life right now x.x I'm just soooo tired of everything. I almost cried in Music just because I was so tired. I don't know, I was just pissed at everyone else in the room and I was tired and I just wanted to be out of school so I could sleep and forget about school. And of course Lulu's all to me after school "Yay, I got a B- on my essay!" and puts up a hand to high-five me and I just was all *stare* because she's telling this to someone who got a 59 on her fucking essay and it's not really going to make me feel that great if she got a B- and I got an F. Of course, I realize I must be like that sometimes too, but I'm just pissed. In general, not really at Lulu. She's just something I can use to place my anger at. Does that make sense? Whatever, I don't care.

Annie seems so depressed and unhappy, and I don't know what to say or do. I don't know how to say "Dude, we all feel like this right now. Teenagers feel like crap, you're not the only one." and I have more but then reading that it seems like I'm saying "Get over it, we're all dealing with it" but I'm not, I'm trying to say "I get it, and I'm sorry, but I have no idea how to make you feel better." That's what I can't figure out. I really want to just do or say something that will make her feel better, but I can't figure it out and god I'm sick of this.

Just about everyone around me is pissing me off. My teachers, the kids that go to my school with the exception of a few people, everyone. Especially the kids at my school, since they're all so LOUD and fucking ANNOYING and don't know a fucking thing and only care about where they're going to go Friday night and what they're going to wear to the 8th grade "prom" thing. I'm just so sick of everything, and I am so apathetic towards school right now. I'm probably going to end up with a B in Humanities just because I've been slacking so much the last few weeks. Yet I still can't manage to care. I just want everything done and over.

I can't wait til school's out.

Yeah, I should go to sleep. No, I'm not going to.

HAVE YOU EVER:
1. KISSED YOUR COUSIN: ...no.
2. RAN AWAY: no
3. PICTURED YOUR CRUSH NAKED: o.o no...
4. ACTUALLY SEEN YOUR CRUSH NAKED: No. These are evil questions.
5. BROKEN SOMEONE'S HEART: Doubt it
6. BEEN IN LOVE: nope
7. CRIED WHEN SOMEONE DIED: of course
8. WANTED SOMEONE YOU KNEW YOU COULDN'T HAVE: no duh
9. BROKEN A BONE: no
10. DRANK ALCOHOL: no
11. LIED: Duh
12. CRIED IN SCHOOL: yeah... but a bee stung me! x.x it hurt

WHICH IS BETTER:
13. COKE OR PEPSI:Pepsi :D
14. SPRITE OR 7UP: Sprite
15. GIRLS OR GUYS: ...guys. Although I have like no guy friends
16. FLOWERS OR CANDY: tickets to GC/SP/etc. concerts =) Oh fine, candy
17. SCRUFF OR CLEAN SHAVEN: clean is great... but then... Gregory Smith! Stuble! I know I saw it x.x
18. QUIET OR LOUD: quiet. VERY quiet. x.x
19. BLONDES OR BRUNETTES: dark
20. BITCHY OR SLUTTY: uh... bitchy
21. TALL OR SHORT: tall
22. PANTS OR SHORTS: pants

WITH THE OPPOSITE SEX:
23. WHAT DO YOU NOTICE FIRST: eyes and hair
24. LAST PERSON YOU SLOW DANCED WITH: ...no one
25. WORST THING TO DO: betray

THE LAST TIME:
26. SHOWERED: 1 1/2 hours
27. HAD SEX: never
28. HAD A GREAT TIME WITH THE OPPOSITE SEX: ...not recently

WHAT IS:
29. YOUR GOOD LUCK CHARM: best friend necklace
30. PERSON YOU HATE MOST: george w. bush
31. THE BEST THING THAT HAS HAPPENED TO YOU TODAY: GC on Loveline

FAVORITES:
32. COLOR: black
33. MOVIE: Fly Away Home - really good Disney movie
34. BOOK: "Doomsday Book" Connie Willis
35. SUBJECT IN SCHOOL: french
36. JUICE: none
37. CARS: I don't know...
38. ICE CREAM: watermelon
39. HOLIDAY: ..no clue
40. SEASON: summer
41. BREAKFAST FOOD: Waffles/pancakes
42. PLACE TO GO WITH YOUR HONEY: ...don't have a honey
43. MAKES YOU LAUGH THE MOST: friends
44. MAKES YOU SMILE: Girls and Boys video
45. GIVES YOU A FUNNY FEELING WHEN YOU SEE THEM: ...ionno
46. HAS A CRUSH ON YOU: absolutely no one
47. DO YOU HAVE A CRUSH ON: no one x.x
48. CAN MAKE YOU FEEL BETTER NO MATTER WHAT: Good Charlotte, Simple Plan, friends

DO YOU:
82. Color your hair?: I wish
83. Have tattoos?: I want... just... I don't like pain x.x
84. Have piercings? : Two in each ear, want more
85. Have a boyfriend/girlfriend/both?: no
86. Own a webcam?: no
87. Own a thong?: ...no o.O;;
88. Ever get off the computer?: o.o no.
89. Sprechen sie deutsche?: nooo
90. Habla espanol?: noooo
91. Quack?: all the time =)

Wheeee GC on Loveline! *waits impatiently for them to come on*

Some surveys:

--Song Survey--

[reminds you of an ex-boyfriend:]
Never had a boyfriend. Shut up.

[reminds you of an ex-friend:]
Oh god... I'm trying to think. It really depends. It could be bands we both liked when we were kids, I suppose. I really don't know.Oh. That song in 3rd grade that was all... 5 names of girls at a time? Kind of Mexican/Latino/Spanish? I forget the song title and artist... but that does. There's the name Maria in it... and... other crap. Well I know what I'm talking about, that's what matters.

[makes you cry:]
"My Immortal" - Evanescence. It reminds me a lot of this movie that... is my favorite movie ever and really just hits me in an emotional place. I can relate to the main character in the movie so much because she's basically a copy of my best friend who doesn't live in the US anymore and it just makes me cry when I hear that song. It's just... so sad.

Also "Full of Grace" and "Angel", both by Sarah McLachlan.

[makes you laugh:]
"Girls and Boys" - GC I always picture the video when I hear it now and I just crack up.

[makes you wanna dance:]
I don't want to dance. I guesss the Anthem.

[reminds you of the one you want:]
"I Heard You" - GC

[reminds you of the one you love:]
"My Immortal" - Evanescence (that song brings so many emotions up for me... no wonder why I love it so much)

[you wish you wrote:]
Bwah. "Hold On" - GC

[you never want to hear again:]
Anything by 50 Cent.

[you want to get married to:]
I don't think that far ahead... I don't know.

[sums up your teenage year(s):]
"The Click" - Good Charlotte; "I'm Just a Kid" - Simple Plan.

[you like to wake up to:]
"The Anthem" (GC), "The Click" (GC)

[you like out of your parents record collection:]
Sarah McLachlan (anything)

[you love that you wouldn't know about if it wasn't for a friend:]
Um... hm. Everything I love I found myself and introduced to other people. I guess... Mest?

[you love the video more than the tune:]
Girls and Boys. I didn't really like it that much but then the video came out and I absolutely love the song because of the video.

[you love which is from your favorite movie:]
I don't know what songs are in my favorite movie. But I guess "The Click" was in "Not Another Teen Movie" so I'll say that.

[makes you think of the moon:]
...o.O Uh. Something by Evanescence, I don't know what.

[makes you think of stars:]
See above.

[makes you think of the sun:]
"I'd Do Anything" - Simple Plan

[makes you think of sex:]
Anything mainstream these days (pop, rap, hip hop)

[makes you think of being alone:]
"My Immortal" - Evanescence
"Perfect" - Simple Plan
"Emotionless" - Good Charlotte

last cigarette: never
last kiss: never.
last good cry: not a good cry, but I cried earlier today
last library book checked out: something about Lincoln for a stupid Humanities thing
last movie seen: Matrix: Reloaded
last book finished: *shrug* don't remember
last cuss word uttered: "Damnit to fucking hell"
last beverage drank: Pepsi
last food consumed: popcorn
last crush: ...I'll never tell...
last phone call: I don't call people
last tv show watched: part of Everwood repeat earlier
last time showered: an hour ago
last shoes worn: Sketchers
last cd played: Simple Plan "LIVE in Japan"
last item bought: CDs
last downloaded: ...nothing
last annoyance: Humanities
last disappointment: myself... sometime recently
last soda drank: Pepsi
last thing written: This... and my POWs
last key used: I don't really used keys
last word spoken: ...don't know
last sleep: last night
last im: Tiffany
last sexual fantasy: Of... course I don't have any sexual fantasies =)
last weird encounter: Uh. *blink*
last ice cream eaten: ...chocolate. I guess
last time amused: talking to Tiffany online
last time wanting to die: I've never wanted to die. I might be pissed, depressed, wanted to just go to sleep for a long time, but I've never really wanted to die.
last time in love: never
last time hugged: ...awhile ago
last time scolded: forget
last time resentful: resented myself for not noticing how pissed/depressed Annie was
last chair sat in: computer chair
last lipstick used: don't wear lipstick
last underwear worn: ...why do you want to know that? o.o
last bra worn: ...see above answer
last shirt worn: Simple Plan shirt
last time dancing: Don't dance
last poster looked at: one of my many GC ones
last show attended: GC/NFG on Civic Tour
last webpage visited: blogger... and I guess televisionwithoutpity.com

1 MINUTE AGO: typing
1 HOUR AGO: showering
1 DAY AGO: sleeping
1 WEEK AGO: ...something
1 YEAR AGO: what's past is passed and I have no fucking clue.
I HURT: In my heart. Yeah it's cheesy. Yeah it's true.
I LOVE: Music
I HATE: Rap, school, people
I FEAR: fear
I HOPE: I can see GC perform again... and possibly meet them
I FEEL: like sleeping
I HIDE: ...nothing
I DRIVE: grrrr I want to
I MISS: my best friends. Not feeling like crap. Not feeling so alone.
I LEARNED: absolutely nothing in 8th grade
I NEED: to see more concerts
I THINK: I should go to sleep

current clothes: SP shirt and sweatpants
current taste: spit
current hair: braids
current annoyance: people
current smell: ...air
current thing i should be doing: sleeping
current desktop picture: Evanescence
current refreshment: nothing
current worry: school

1. What do you most like about your body?:eyes
2. And least?: body
3. How many fillings do you have?: 0
4. Do you think you're good looking?: no
5. Do other people often tell you that you're good looking? Yeah, because that's just like soooo like me to do. Right.
6. Do you look like any celebrities?: ...yeah. Sure. Whatever you want to believe.

Wheeeeeeee Good Charlotte's on Loveline now! *cheers* Crap I got to go to bed soon x.x At the next break. Or now. Now seems good.

God, I hate it I hate it I hate it x.x You know, I started feeling better. Annie told me what I wrote touched her, which touched me in turn. I was getting happier, despite school and work and all that crap.

Then I see my mom coming out of Moon's (my bunny) room and she tells me Moon won't stop thumping because of all the equiptment in there. Although I exited to go pee and really have to, I ask politely (and a bit curiously) "What equiptment?". Then of course she has to tell me that there's this equiptment that tracks where my dad is. He has to wear it a certain amount of hours every day or something because he has to be home a certain amount of hours every day because of he drove while drunk a lot and got caught a lot in the past. I'm sick of it. I hate it, I hate that he did it and I hate that it's been an issue for so long. You know, I thought that it had ended. Right before December, for a few months, he had to go to this place in LA everynight and stay there the night. I thought it was over when that was done. I thought I could put it in the past.

Well, I can't, because he has to do this all fucking summer. Will it ever end? God I hate him. He should know better than to drive when drunk. That's one of the most idiotic things to do, and it's even more idiotic to do it repetitively. It makes me wonder how many times he did it and didn't get caught.

God I'm sick of this. Everytime I get slightly happy, something like this happens, and I just... I get pulled down again. I hate this so much.

My blogs all fucked up since I can't do anything with the template. No matter what I do, it won't save the changes I make. Oh well.

I got my Live SP CD last Wednesday :D It rocks. I also really like their new song "Vacation" and their cover of "Surrender". :D I have my stupid debate preparation I have to do now x.x Bah. I don't even know why I'm blogging. I just... feel like it I guess.

8 days. 8 days. 8 days.

School sucks.

8 days.

No more POWs ever again.

Concentrate on the good.

I hate Humanities.

Blah, I'm feeling worse and worse. I feel like I've been an awful friend to Annie. I had no idea she was feeling this way for so long. I should be doing homework, but I'm procrastinating. Plus, I'm really worried about Annie. I don't think she's going to commit suicide or anything, but I'm just worried about her. For her.

And after reading everything she's written for the past few months, I feel so idiotic. Like saying so many times "You're not going to Woodbridge, you're going to UNI!" It made her feel like crap, because she can't control it and she might even want to go to Woodbridge. x.x Plus, the time where she told me B/S was one of her favorite Buffy pairings and I went insane cuz I thought she was in the B/S hating bandwagon like Jackie, Lulu, and me. I blew that up way too much, and again made her feel like crap. God, there's something else that I did that I'm sure I'm forgetting, but that sums it up enough. She's always been such a great friend for me. I can bitch and complain all I want to her, and she always comforts me and makes me feel so much better no matter what she's feeling. I've never once gotten into a fight with her, just because she's so... easy going and... I don't know. Just since she's such an awesome person. I wish I could be like that for her, just say some things to her and make her feel fine again. But I can't. I'm not that type of person, I'm more needy and insecure. Of course that's all Rachel's fault and will always be her fault. I never worried about trying to be a friend too much until she said she didn't want to be friends anymore since I was too friendly or whatever. That made be incredibly insecure and here I go being selfish, starting saying how worried I am about Annie and turning it back to me.

I suck.

God, I feel so sad now. Concert details in a second, but right now... more important stuff.

I just found out that Annie's been blogging recently, so I went to check what she's been talking about. She is so fucking depressed most of the time, and I had no idea. I feel like I'm a horrible friend. I mean, last Monday/Tuesday she looked really tired and depressed, but she told me she just didn't get enough sleep. She's just so awesome, and can make me feel so much better just by talking to me, and I hate for her to feel like crap. I do often enough, I know how much it sucks. Blah, I had no idea, and I'm disgusted with myself for not knowing. I just... I feel so awful for her. I hate that she feels awful. x.x

On a happier note, the concert was fucking awesome. Open seating, got withint 10 feet from the stage :D The whole thing just... so awesome. Blah, I can't describe it to anyone who wasn't there. Let's just say, I really want to go to more concerts now.

Going back to worse news, I got an F on my persuasive essay. Yes, this is the essay that I spent more time on than any of my previous essays and one I thought was pretty damn good. I showed it to my mom and she's all "I would give this a B- at worst." before I told her my actual grade. My writing has just gotten worse this year. My mom says that I should jsut forget every single thing I was taught this year in English since I wrote a lot better before this year. I agree.

I went to the spectrum on Saturday. It was cool, even though it was just Tiffany and me. I got some magazines to get pictures from and put them up in my room and I also got 2 CDs. :D I'm very happy about that. It sucked that Annie couldn't come though. Back to Annie, now, I guess. She said somewhere in her blog that she felt left out at one point (and if it was because of Tiffany and me raving about the concert, I feel so disgusted with myself again), but all I remember about times I'm somewhere without Annie is how much we always are saying it'd be so much better wih Annie. All throughout the concert I kept saying to Tiffany (and she to me) "It really sucks Annie couldn't come... I wish she could have... it'd be a lot more fun with her here" even though the concert rocked. And at the spectrum, too, we both said we wished Annie could have come.

I can't wait til schools out. 8 days, not including the day we go to Knotts Berry Farm and the day of promotion. God, I'm sick of school. I'm really sick of my life right now. I jsut want to crawl into my bed and fall asleep for a long time. And no, that's not a euphenism for death. I really just want to go to sleep.

Current mood: Mad at self, slightly depressed, tired
Current music: "Deja Vu" - Off By One

Wheee Girls and Boys stayed consistent at #2 Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday. Aaaaand only 3 days until the concert!

Heh on Friday afterschool I went to Tiffany's house for the first time (well besides the time Jackie broke in to get her DVDs and she got scared and forced me to go inside) to help her with math and watch TRL. I think I helped her a little with math but... ionno. However, after that, she showed me how she can play a lot of Emotionless on guitar and then she gave me the tab for it. So I went home, showed my mom, and she said she could start teaching me guitar, which she then proceeded in doing. So now I can sort of play the chorus of Emotionless and I've only been playing guitar for 2 days. Go me =D

Saturday there was MTV's hot summer survival guide which was ridiculously stupid, but I watched since Benji and Joel were in it ("Leave me alone, I'm in a rock band" - Joel haha I cracked up when he said that [jokingly]) and also they were counting down the top 20 hottest videos. Addicted was at 15 (which was higher than I expected... I wasn't even sure they'd be on the countdown) and The Anthem was at 5 which rocked. So I was very happy yesterday.

And Sunday is.. well today. Unfortunately, Sunday=homework and preparing for school tomorrow. Only 3 weeks left of school. Plus... Wednesday! Good Charlotte! Concert!

Mood: Impatient... can't wait for Wednesday :D
Music: "The Anthem" Good Charlotte

Yet another survey, and then I'll actually post something. Just hold your horses.

RAP: Eck, hate it.
Eminem: Eh, one of the few rappers I can tolerate but in general, don't like him
Rock: You think I like rock? No idea where you got that idea[/sarcasm]
Linkin Park: They're ok, I used to like them a lot more but now all their stuff is sounding the same.
Korn: yes
Sum41: definitely
PuNk: in general, yeah
Rancid: *thumbs up*
Social D: on my long list of 'need to check out'
Mest: yep
POP: pop-punk yes. Pop, no.
ska: Ska is awesome

Rock OR Heavy Metal- rock
Old Punk OR new age punk- new age punk only since I haven't heard much old punk. However, before you kill me, I am planning on checking out some old punk, so... this answer may change.
GC's 1st OR 2nd CD- Tough, especially since I've started learning the guitar parts from some of their songs on the 2nd CD... but I'll say 1st CD.
The UsEd OR Mest- The Used, but Mest is awesome too
RHCP or Linkin Park- Linkin Park

Favourite Band thats not so well known- No clue, I think that most people know the bands I like.
Favourite Candadian Band or Artist- Simple Plan
Favourite GC song(s)- The Anthem, Girls and Boys (now that the video's out, I can't help but crack up when I hear it), The Click, The Young and the Hopeless, and East Coast Anthem
Favourite GC video- Girls and Boys
Favourite Video By another Band or Artist- Perfect by Simple Plan looks like it's going to be... but I guess... "Fat Lip" - Sum 41.
Favourite Band(s)- Good Charlotte, Simple Plan, Green Day, Riddlin' Kids, Sum 41, Evanescence, Something Corporate, Starting Line, MxPx, Mest, The Used, AFI, American Hi-Fi, Saves the Day, Yellowcard, Tsunami Bomb, oh god, what am I missing? Rancid, um... oh whatever, that's enough.